If you’re going to kill yourself, why don’t you sleep with me first? P3
Man: “I don’t know the cause. But if there’s something I thought I couldn’t do while alive then I can’t do it now either.”
Woman: “That’s strange.”
Man: “Also I can’t sleep or anything. But it’s not such a big deal. The biggest shock was that I didn’t see any ghosts other than myself.”
Woman: “You’re saying that you’ve never seen a ghost, but how would you even know what a ghost looks like?”
Man: “True. But I’ve been screaming ever since that time. ‘Is anyone out there dead?’ and so on.”
Woman: “And so no-one’s replied to that yet.”
Man: “Yeah. I’ve frequently been to ghost spots, deep forests, suicide spots and such.”
Woman: “And you never met anyone?”
Man: “Nope. That’s when I first realised. If you become a ghost you can’t see other ghosts. When I realised that I wanted to die just as much as the first time.”
Woman: “So you’re saying that people who like to chat shouldn’t kill themselves?”
Man: “… hmm, didn’t I tell you yet?”
Woman: “Huh?”
Man: “I absolutely hated talking to other people when I was alive.”
Woman: “…”
Man: “I understand the meaning of the saying ‘the eyes are the window to the soul’ now.”
Woman: “You noticed, huh?”
Man: “For just a moment they were like, ‘no way, he’s full of crap.’”
Woman: “And I understood the meaning of telepathy.”
Man: “Ho ho.”
Woman: “And also the meaning of ‘the eyes are the window to the soul.’ But don’t go misunderstanding me now.”
Man: “You don’t have to be embarrassed.”
Woman: “Yeah yeah.”
Man: “Well it’s natural you would think so. But it’s true. I didn’t have any friends, let alone have any relationships with the opposite sex…”
Woman: “Well considering all of that you’ve been rather smooth when talking to me.”
Man: “Since I died I’ve approached many people.”
Woman: “You said just before that you hated talking to people, right?”
Man: “Yes. But as the years go by there’s nothing to do. Even if I pass by someone I once knew they don’t notice me. The only thing that’s ever noticed me is probably a camera.”
Woman: “…”
Man: “Ever since I died it was the first time I felt such a way. I wanted someone, anyone to notice me. I wanted to talk to someone. After I died I tried talking to all sorts of different people. Like the old guy sitting on the park bench staring off into space, or the young kid playing in the sandpit. I even tried barging into a group of very clearly violent young men, but of course none of them noticed me.”
Woman: “That’s gotta be painful, huh.”
Man: “Yeah. But the times our conversations meshed I was really happy. Or when I’d call out and someone would turn around and look just by chance.”
Woman: “That’s so sad. So then when you approached me as well…”
Man: “No, that was a little different. For the last six months now I stopped trying to talk to people.”
Woman: “So why did you talk to me?”
Man: “Because you were trying to jump.”
Woman: “…”
Man: “For the last week I’ve constantly been trying to call out to you. But no matter how I tried the sound of your crying drowned out my voice.”
Woman: “So each time I couldn’t jump you saw me crying, huh.”
Man: “I sure did.”
Woman: “You really do piss me off. … but somehow I understand you.”
Man: “You finally understand me?”
Woman: “Someone who could communicate with others normally wouldn’t try to stop someone in such a way.”
Man: “Surely. I really did mean to say something a little more decent. However today my voice finally managed to reach you. It was a little rash, but I was so happy my heart soared. I wanted to dance, like, ‘She heard me!’”
Woman: “So you’ve been saying whatever the hell you want since the beginning.”
Man: “Yes. I never even dreamed that I could be so eloquent.”
Woman: “If you had just tried to lecture me like a normal person I would have jumped.”
Man: “So that means my way of persuading you was correct.”
Woman: “What persuading? Didn’t I stop myself from killing myself?”
Man: “Yeah but it was all right in the end, wasn’t it?”
Woman: “What are you saying?”
Man: “Huh?”
Woman: “The course I’m pursuing hasn’t changed.”
Man: “Isn’t this the part where you listen to my story and then change your way of thinking?”
Woman: “I’m sorry but I’m not going to be saved thanks to you. But I am thinking about delaying matters.”
Man: “Delaying?”
Woman: “We talked about so many pointless things today, I’m tired. So, I’d like you to come back here again at 11am tomorrow morning.”
Man: “Huh? What are you going to do?”
Woman: “Today I’m going to sleep.”
Man: “Oh, okay.”
Woman: “I’ll say this right now, please don’t follow me.”
Man: “… you saw through me, huh?”
Woman: “I’ll see you again tomorrow. Good night.”
Man: “… good night.”
< The next morning >
Man: “Man, it’s such a long time, huh.”
Woman: “What are you on about so soon?”
Man: “The nights are so long since I died.”
Woman: “I had a dream.”
Man: “You’re lucky.”
Woman: “I’m not going to tell you what happened though.”
Man: “I don’t want to hear it. More than that I want to know what you’re going to do now. That’s quite a big bag you’ve got there.”
Woman: “We’re going to the apartment you used to live in.”
Man: “I’m sorry? Wha… what do you mean?”
Woman: “When I asked the real estate agent about it I quickly figured it out which was your room. And someone will be moving in soon, so right now it’s still empty!”
Man: “No, I didn’t mean…”
Woman: “Shut up and come with me.”
Man: “…”
Woman: “… even if I try to pull you along I can’t touch you, hey.”
Man: “Because I’m see through.”
Woman: “But please come with me.”
Man: “Okay.”
< The apartment the man lived in >
Man: “Wow, they cleaned it up. It’s really nice now.”
Woman: “It’s cleaner than my place.”
Man: “But there’s nothing here.”
Woman: “Yep, there’s nothing but us here.”
Man: “…”
Woman: “So what are your thoughts?”
Man: “To be honest, seeing this room again doesn’t really bring up any feelings.”
Woman: “Even though you used to live here there’s nothing?”
Man: “Perhaps you were worried about me so you brought me here? If so, I’m sorry…”
Woman: “I’m not very good at being concerned about other people.”
Man: “Yeah, I know that.”
Woman: “I brought you here because I wanted to see it.”
Man: “Where are you going?”
Woman: “… perhaps the only place that hasn’t changed is right here?”
Man: “Ah, I see.”
Woman: “I wonder what the veranda is like?”
Man: “Hmm, it hasn’t changed that much. Ah, but it looks like they changed the fence. However the biggest thing that hasn’t changed at all is the view.”
Woman: “This is the view you always saw, huh?”
Man: “Yeah. Just a plain old view you can see anywhere.”
Woman: “But it’s a view I wanted to see.”
Man: “…”
Woman: “It really is nothing special, huh.”
Man: “Are you disappointed?”
Woman: “I don’t know. But since being here I just haven’t really felt it yet.”
Man: “Felt what?”
Woman: “That this is the place where you died.”
Man: “That’s just the way it is.”
Woman: “I put a few offerings in my bag for you.”
Man: “I’m glad. But if you leave them here they’re just going to be in the way.”
Woman: “That’s true. So why don’t we drink them together?”
Man: “How?”
Woman: “I brought various things. There’s a small can of juice.”
Man: “Wow, that’s a lot.”
Woman: “Would alcohol have been better?”
Man: “No, I never really drank much.”
Woman: “Me either. When I drink I quickly feel sick. To escape from reality I drank Black Nikka whiskey and it made me so sick I just wanted to die again.”
Man: “You want to die a lot, huh?”
Woman: “There are plenty of people out there who want to die, I’m sure. Probably.”
Man: “People who want to die, hey.”
Woman: “… yes, I’ll hold this can for you so please try putting your lips to it.”
Man: “Okay, this juice, right?”
Woman: “Yes, go ahead.”
Man: “If somebody saw this I wonder what they’d think?”
Woman: “At least one person would laugh, wouldn’t they?”
Man: “They’d be laughing at you.”
Woman: “Shut up. Hurry up and drink.”
Man: “Uh… okay let’s see…”
Woman: “I’m also gonna have a drink.”
Man: “…”
Woman: “Haha, how strange. Your lips are all puckered up.”
Man: “Well I can’t do anything other than this. Looking at it from this side you’re the strange one.”
Woman: “Dinner last night probably looked a little something like this, huh.”
Man: “I dare say.”
Woman: “… how was the juice?”
Man: “It was probably good.”
Woman: “…”
Man: “How was it?”
Woman: “Just what the hell are we doing?”
Man: “You and I are enjoying a delicious juice.”
Woman: “‘Delicious’ makes it kinda sound like you’re still alive.”
Man: “… it does, doesn’t it?”
Woman: “Well, shall we go?”
Man: “Where are we going next?”
Woman: “The roof, of course.”
Man: “What are we going to do there?”
Woman: “Don’t worry about it, just come with me.”
Man: “… okay.”
< Roof >
Man: “So what on earth are we going to do here?”
Woman: “You don’t know?”
Man: “Too many things come to mind.”
Woman: “Is that so?”
Man: “Hey, hey…!”
Woman: “Don’t scream out so loud when all I’ve done is climb onto the fence. You’re the one who said it, right? You have no right to stop me.”
Man: “I did, but…”
Woman: “It’s not good to lie.”
Man: “It’s better than killing yourself, I think.”
Woman: “… you seem to have misunderstood me. I’ll say it again. It’s no good to lie.”
Man: “I’m not lying. Everything I’ve told you is real.”
Woman: “No, you’re lying.”
Man: “About what?”
Woman: “You really don’t know? Or are you just slow?”
Man: “Hey, you don’t have to be so…”
Woman: “My underwear.”
Man: “… I’m sorry?”
Woman: “I said, my underwear. When the janitor came yesterday you should have realised. Underneath the fence there’s a protrusion where a person can hide. You should have realised then. Looking up from the bottom of the building the protrusion is in the way so there’s no way you could have seen up my skirt.”
Man: “…”
Woman: “So? Am I wrong?”
Man: “No, well, it’s just like you say it is.”
Woman: “If you just throw any colour out there you have a good chance of guessing correctly, right? And even if you’re wrong it’s not a problem.”
Man: “… uh, we came here just to confirm that?”
Woman: “It’s very important, don’t you think?”
Man: “Well, I wouldn’t say it isn’t important.”
Woman: “For me it’s a question of whether or not I could get married.”
Man: “Get married?”
Woman: “… would you like to hear just one of my dreams?”
Man: “One of your dreams? Okay, go ahead.”
Woman: “Until I entered university I wanted to die in some dramatic way.”
Man: “You’re a strange lady.”
Woman: “I know. I think so too. Did I want to get close to people who enjoyed the end of the world and die, or did I want to die sacrificing myself to save another? I yearned for something like that. Rather than exposing the sad state of my life it would be better off if I just killed myself. I really did feel that way. No, until yesterday I did…”
Man: “You mean putting your life on the line? It’s painted such a beautiful way in fictional worlds, isn’t it? Perhaps you were influenced by things like that?”
Woman: “Yeah, kinda like… something more important than my own life?”
Man: “I think so.”
Woman: “Yeah. That’s probably what I was after.”
Man: “Before I died I longed for the same thing.”
Woman: “And now?”
Man: “Don’t make me say it. The heroes in fiction encounter circumstances where they put their life on the line just by accident. In the past I also drew a line between who I really was and who I thought society wanted me to be. But now no matter how disgraceful or wretched a person may be, I have sympathy for those who really want to live.”
Woman: “Like the bad guys in manga who would sell their own friend to save themselves?”
Man: “Yeah, something like that. I wonder why? Why are people like that drawn in such a bad light?”
Woman: “Because they’re wretched and sad?”
Man: “People who throw their lives away are the ones that people like, right? Sorry, I’m just grumbling now.”
Woman: “I’ve seen a glimpse of your real personality now.”
Man: “How embarrassing.”
Woman: “… but I do understand how you feel now. Just a little.”
Man: “I’m glad.”
Woman: “Before I said I had a dream last night, right?”
Man: “You did.”
Woman: “I had a dream where I became invisible. For some reason I was a junior high student again. Even as I was running down the hallway no-one took notice of me. Even as I got on the bus I didn’t have to pay any money. It was like no-one was looking at me. At first I was filled with this sense of superiority, like you’re all jealous, right? But slowly it all just became a big bluff. I just wanted someone to call out my name… this is what I thought in the dream.”
Man: “That is undoubtedly an invisible person, yeah.”
Woman: “But I didn’t think about saying anything lewd.”
Man: “It’s like I’ve been doing strange things since I died, isn’t it?”
Woman: “It’s not?”
Man: “I can’t deny it.”
Woman: “See.”
Man: “You seem somewhat happy.”
Woman: “It’s your imagination. My life is wretched and sad. So much I want to kill myself.”
Man: “… But even so, if you keep on living there’s bound to be something good ahead.”
Woman: “You say that but what if my life ends without anything happening? I’ll just feel even more like why didn’t I die sooner?”
Man: “I suppose. ‘If you live good things will come’ is an irresponsible thing to say. However I will say that if you jump from here nothing good will come of it. Nothing.”
Woman: “Everyone who kills themselves knows that. You were the same, weren’t you?”
Man: “…”
Woman: “That’s right. Even if you don’t commit suicide we all end up in the same place. Everybody dies someday… right? One day I’m going to die too.”
Man: “Hang on. I know I’m being persistent but if you jump from here…!”
Woman: “You’re too late. Oomph.”
Man: “…”
Woman: “I jumped off the fence.”
Man: “… in this direction, yes.”
Woman: “I didn’t lie. I never once said I’d jump to the ground.”
Man: “… no you didn’t.”
Woman: “Yes, the end is clear. At any rate I don’t have to die here, but someday I will die. So it’s probably not so bad to go on with my wretched and sad life. You said it yourself, right. ‘Once you decide to die, doesn’t that create some leeway in your heart?’”
Man: “I said that?”
Woman: “You did, very clearly. Everyone dies in the end so I decided to going on living a little longer. For just a little longer I’ll live and make a few more wretched memories.”
Man: “… you might regret that.”
Woman: “If so I’ll just die now.”
Man: “You’ll probably regret that too.”
Woman: “Then I’ll choose to go on living and regret that.”
Man: “You’re a strange person.”
Woman: “You’re the last person I want to hear that from. Because of you I’ve decided to keep on living.”
Man: “You say such cruel things.”
Woman: “It’s true.”
Man: “I’m okay with it but when you talk to other people you should think about what you’re going to say a little more.”
Woman: “I’d say the exact same thing to you.”
Man: “Ahaha. I can’t really talk, can I?”
Woman: “I don’t want to admit it but we’re kinda similar, aren’t we?”
Man: “… what’s with the hand?”
Woman: “A handshake. I don’t like you.”
Man: “Huh? Didn’t you say you only hated people who were alive?”
Woman: “You’re an exception.”
Man: “I see. For the first time in my life since I died I’ve been rejected. How sad.”
Woman: “Yes yes, I know.”
Man: “… how am I supposed to shake your hand?”
Woman: “Stop worrying about the tiny details. Just grab my hand.”
Man: “… okay.”
Woman: “Fufu… it really is strange.”
Man: “Ahaha. Your hand’s a little see through.”
Woman: “Don’t misunderstand me, okay. I don’t like you.”
Man: “You’re so stubborn.”
Woman: “I’ll never lose to you.”
Man: “I wonder.”
Woman: “… thanks to you, who I don’t even like, I’ve decided to live a little longer.”
Man: “That sounds like something you’d say.”
Woman: “But thank you. I’m very happy I was able to meet you.”
Man: “… no way, don’t do it.”
Woman: “?”
Man: “You’re making me want to live again.”
Woman: “Well then one day I’ll come to you so happy that you’ll want to die again.”
Man: “I wonder when that will be?”
Woman: “I don’t know. I’ll just say while I’m alive.”
Man: “I’m looking forward to it.”
POSTSCRIPT
This story ends here.
What follows may be a little redundant.
But I’ll just say one thing.
I’m still alive, even now.